Where your questions lead
Last time, I wrote about being like EMTs and helping people before giving prescriptions. Let’s flesh out what that means a little more.
It is not that God’s people do not know how to ask questions, it is what point our questions work toward that matters. A few years ago, I was driving my family through a quiet little town in our full-size conversion van. A woman came through a main intersection and plowed into the back quarter of our vehicle.
I was going 45 mph legally and she couldn’t have been over 25 when she ignored the stop sign. But she hit us hard enough to knock my back axle loose and turn us 180 degrees in the road. Fortunately my wife and children were only slightly banged up and only emotionally shaken.
Then came the questions. Bystanders started asking, “Are you okay?” The police arrived and started asking questions, “Who is to blame?” Then the ambulance showed up, “Do you have an injury?”
Each of those questions were appropriate for the role the different ones played. So, many of us know how to ask questions, but perhaps we forget our role. Too many believers try to play policeman rather than God.
I facepalm every time I think about one woman I tried to minister to many years ago. She left her daughter at the daycare and no one knew what had happened to her until about midnight. I asked questions, since my wife and I had taken the girl in while trying to find this mother.
Asking questions, I found out that momma had been at the drug house. I was furious. That is not how you raise a child. Eventually we were able to get this family the help they needed, but right away I was not much help.
Still furious about the situation I started grilling the mother. “What are the names of the people involved? I am going to turn them in!” That unleashed her fury toward me. I couldn’t understand why she did not appreciate me looking into the matter after saying she wanted to get away from that life.
What I had done was ask police questions instead of EMT questions. “Just the facts, ma’am.” Police want details that lead to an arrest. They want to know private info they can use against you. That’s their job.
But it’s not yours or mine.
The Lord did not send me into people’s lives to find their flaws and point out what they should have done instead. (That’s a real bummer, too, because I am so good at it.)
He sent me to help them diagnose themselves. If someone will ever repent (turn away) from their sin, they have to realize what it is. My questions with that woman should have been more EMT like: “It broke my heart when I heard you were struggling with drugs. How long have you been battling this?”
If I were responding to a roadside emergency, I would probably have continued, “I know you are in pain and feel a little disoriented right now, but everything is going to be all right. We are here to help you through this if you will let us.”
Let me interrupt this rescue mission to point out that EMTs always have backup. Don’t be a hero who thinks you are going to salvage everybody on your own. You need a team. End of commercial break, back to regular program.
The difference between an EMT’s questions and a policeman’s are this: one will lead to more healing and the other can and will use what you say against you. Since so many believers speak police-ese, many people do not trust the church and find Christians judgmental.
Here’s some healing questions you might consider. Run through the last few conversations you have had with unsaved people. In some sense or another have you asked restoration questions like these?
Where does it hurt?
Do you know what causes you to feel that way?
How long have you felt this way?
What do you think it would take to help you heal?
There is more to say on this, because beyond initial questions, we need to help people heal for the long-term, not just in one conversation. To learn more about long-term care, we turn next to discover more about making disciples by looking at the nursing profession.
7 Comments
Oh my goodness, this is unreal, I was just talking to my son about this type of thing a few minutes ago. [I know someone who] said when he wants to confide in people about stuff that he has been going through for like 30 years, then people want to tell him “Bro, your answer is at the altar.” He then thinks to himself, “I have been going to the altar for 11 years praying for the Holy Ghost, what are you talking about?” He has no one that he can talk to without them preaching at them. . . .
Why cant there be someone there for us that will encourage us, and not lecture, why cant they say a kind word for people like him? . . .
I would have said the same not long ago. Then I saw the verse that says the Spirit anointing is for us to “heal the broken-hearted.” God wants to do it through us!
There are so many times I have desperately needed someone to talk to, to tell them where it hurts, but I’ve held back because I didn’t want to hear, “Have you prayed about it? Have you fasted? “, or even worse, they just said , “I’ll be praying with you.” and that is the end. No other conversation. No one checking to see how you are doing. Nothing! It leaves you feeling so alone and as if no one cares. It makes you feel as if they can’t be bothered with your problems and the problems you have are because you are not living close enough to the Lord. That’s being as transparent as I can at the moment.
If you come upon an accident you are not going to ask, ” Whete you going to fast?” or, “Maybe you were just a little distracted.” No! You spring into action to help. You let them know you are going to do everything in your power to help. You call 911, you reassure until emergency crews get there, you do all you can until you know that person is in the hands of those who can help.
There have been times when I received the help I needed. With these people I felt I could go to them with any need and I would be helped. If they couldn’t do it then I was pointed in the direction of someone else who would or could help me. I am forever grateful for them. They showed love when it was needed and if the moment need something Steiger they did that as well. I felt I could go to them with anything.
They were and are great EMT’s 😊
When you experience that kind of love and help it can be a shock to the system when you are faced with the opposite. It was for me. It was extremely hard. There were those for it was deadly.
I’m not so foolish to think that leaders should become so mired in every aspect of their congregations life. I do know that you can’t leave a wounded soul asking for help laying in the road. Listen to them, really listen them. Don’t give them a pat answer. Try to get to the root of the problem. Don’t just pray for them, pray with them! Ket them know that at that point they are the most important thing in your world. My former pastor used to quote the saying, “People don’t care how much you know till they know how much you care.” That is so very true, especially in positions of leadership.
All we can do is be sure we are what the next person needs!
We had an evangelist that came to our church about 25 years ago that said the very same thing, People do not care how much you know, they only want to know that you care. . . .
I remember the state I was in when I first came to the church I attended now. It was 8 years ago but the love that was poured over me was overwhelming. And 8 years later I still have several of those same people and they are still just as loving. Some were only there for a few weeks or months. So when I see a new convert or a person who looks scared or lost I am not quick to judge because I have been there. I felt scared and alone before. Not to mention Jesus has showed me the most amazing love and forgiveness and all I want to do is pour that on to all those I meet.
Awesome. We could do so much if we just would help people feel loved in Jesus!