What complaining says about you
“Haha! You don’t know how to build anything! If a fox jumped up on that wall, it would fall over!”
A person who starts criticizing others and finding fault with things can enter an addictive cycle of complaining.
I don’t want my life stuck in a negative down spin.
I’ve been there before and Jesus pulled me back out.
Let me share some of the warning signs to look for, what causes a critical mindset, and how to refocus.
A man named Nehemiah came back to his fatherland to do a big project. The city of the great King had been shamed and left in ruins for over a generation. Nehemiah’s goal was to rebuild the city’s defense system: the wall made of stone around the perimeter.
Local dudes started making his life miserable when they found out what he wanted to do. They laughed at him, told him the wall would collapse, and even made threats. Then, they tried to lure him away from the project and keep him from succeeding.
The man with the plan simply answered, “I am doing a great work, so that I cannot come down: why should the work cease, whilst I leave it, and come down to you?” (Nehemiah 6:3) Here we see a key to not begin a complainer: be a constructor.
In my experience, I have noticed people who complain are actually dealing with personal dissatisfaction. They don’t know what they don’t like about themselves, but they continually find fault with their boss, their pastor, their spouse, their national leaders, their neighbors, their relatives, the weather, and much more. People who are busy “doing a great work” don’t dwell on all the brouhaha around them.
Noisy people are the ones who are not doing a great work. Everyone has to be doing something, so if one is not constructing they start destroying. Destructive criticism is a symptom of a person who does not feel worthwhile.
Self-worth doesn’t come from positive affirmation. Self-worth builds in a person who does things that add value to others. One core human need is our preprogrammed design to find fulfillment in doing something bigger than ourselves.
As a tradesman, so many times I have pointed at a building and told my children, “See that roof, I put that roof on there.” If you’ve been on a trip overseas to help the poor and needy, you sense the difference in self-worth that event brought compared to going on a cruise in the Caribbean. Whether you painted a mural or volunteered at a soup kitchen, you derive meaning from the things you have done that became bigger than you, that made a difference for others, that did more than just make money.
Even a 2-year-old child craves to do something meaningful. Parents often praise their children senselessly for meaningless things (don’t get me started on that topic). Often, so the parent does not have to be bothered with the child, he or she will give the kid a phone. A video-gaming child will not be a happy child because one day he or she will realize that those things don’t add value to the world. I’d bet if you know a screen-addicted child, you also know a complaining and unhappy child. We need to realize this need and help even our youngest ones find meaning by doing something for others.
Do you find yourself putting others down? It is because you feel empty. If you filled your life with doing things that make a difference for others, you wouldn’t be so negative.
An empty gas can makes a louder thump than a full one. An empty trailer bangs and clangs down a dirt road, but a full trailer makes hardly a sound. A hungry child will start a riot while a full one will sleep for hours.
Your life becomes full when you make other lives better. “All the days of the afflicted are evil: but he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast.” (Proverbs 15:15) When you are stable inside, you help stabilize others.
Rather than criticize the person building a wall, construct something valuable yourself. Rather than complain about your employer, church, or family, do something off-the-clock and off-the-record to improve the situation. This dramatic change can begin with your words: start only saying things that build others up rather than tearing them down (See Ephesians 4:29).
What do you think? Am I wrong? What other details contribute to a spirit of negativity? What else other doing things of lasting value will help cure this chronic illness?
4 Comments
The enemy will always have something against a Christian’s life. Anything and everything can go awry in the eyes of the enemy and he wants you to just submit to his whims. But this is not the matter at hand.
Lately I have a head-on collision with a complaining person and it made me really think. I did a deep searching and it goes around the life he’s living. What is the life of a complainer or a criticizer? Is it because he is a loner, or is he suffering from failures and unfulfilled dreams? Or it might be that he is stagnant and not doing anything?
Yes, Sir. You nailed it. Remember “An idle mind is the workshop of the devil.”
Yes. Thank you for looking for the root of the fruit rather than just criticizing the tree.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THESE WISE WORDS
VERY TRUE AND ENCOURAGING
GOD BLESS YOU!
Thank you for your encouragement!