Posts by danieljkoren:
Between forward and reverse
Some people are takers and some people are givers. While reflecting on which of those two I have been in my relationships with others, I’ve found a third category, which is where most people live (sadly).
You’ll see this middle role in just about every industry, home, and organization: the trader.
You may not like what I’m about to say, but hang on to the end and I think you’ll see the big picture.
Look at a hospital and you might see my point.
In a hospital you have patients. They need. They are desperate for care. They depend on others to keep them alive (generally speaking, of course).
Then, you have the professionals. Their job is to clock in and do the work of caring for others.
And finally, you have the volunteers.
In my illustration, let’s let the patients represent the takers. They do not enter the hospital for anything but selfish reasons (and the hospital is rightfully there to care for those with critical needs).
Are you a patient in your marriage? Do you depend on your spouse to make you feel okay?
Are you a patient in your parenting, craving attention or appreciation from your children?
Are you a taker on your job, needing a raise or special accommodations for your demands?
What about with your church, do you need others to keep you alive or do you give life to others?
Then, there are the medical trade professionals. Interesting word: “trade.” To trade something is to exchange goods or services for something in your own personal interest. Yes, doctors and nurses save lives and give quality care, but they do it in a trade for money. Practically, I do not fault critical caregivers for being paid well. However, is this how you interact with the people in your life?
The “trader” is the person I see between the giver and the taker. The trader thinks she is giving. But what does she want in return? Acceptance, appreciation, attention?
The trader husband thinks he is giving himself for his wife as Jesus did for the church until she doesn’t show him the attention he craves. Then, he’s all like, “I pay the bills here and give you a nice house and this is the thanks I get?” See the transactional terms in his statement?
Or the dad who gives expecting something in return will say something like, “I buy you clothes and food and give you a place to sleep, and the least you can do is clean up your room!”
That kind of love feels cheap.
Are you a teacher, a plumber, or a soloist? Why do you do what you do? Is it for the money? Is it for the people who come back and thank you? Is it to prove to everyone else that you can make something of yourself?
There’s a third set of people at many hospitals that might not be easy to understand. They are the volunteers.
When my fifth-born was in the hospital, an elderly lady came to her room with a dog. The two of them were wearing bright, clowny-type clothes and accents. It was fun. They lifted the mood in the room. They cost us nothing.
Another type of volunteers are the family and friends who come and sit with their loved-one. Many times, these givers might be the sole reason a person pulls through a dark tunnel with their health. You couldn’t put a wage on the love they bring.
Another of the great volunteers I have seen at the bedside are the ministers of Jesus Christ. They bring a listening ear. They bring a sense of calm. Or they pray and the Lord heals the weakened body.
Is it time to level-up your game?
Which person are you showing up as in your home, your business, your community, and your church?
How free could you feel if you did what you did because of love instead of just for an income or applause? Expert tip: you can avoid burnout if you do what you do out of love rather than expecting anything in return.
How can you give life instead of depending on others for their life-flow?
How can you get out of the “trader” zone and give more love, peace, and hope than anyone could ever repay?