Posts by danieljkoren:
Woke to manipulators
Some people in life have your back. Others have a knife in it. You might think they are on your side until you find they have been undermining you.
Beware of the spiritual “Stinky Pete” who creates a crisis so he/she can help solve it, all while masterminding his/her own plan behind the scenes.
Laban was such a person.
We often only focus on Jacob, his wives, and their feuding children.
Laban, however, was an invisible wrecking ball in their lives.
You often don’t suspect a spiritual wrecking ball.
They might be generous, faithful at church, and worshipful to the Lord, which makes it harder.
Laban first entered the Genesis narrative as a man of hospitality.
He said to Abraham’s trusted servant: “Come on into our house, you blessed one of the Lord!”
Nothing in that statement reveals Laban’s motives or his manipulative tendencies. But they are laced all through it. Laban represents issues we face with some of the most difficult people.
Yes, those argumentative or hostile types can drain you, but you learn what to expect with them. It’s the underhanded ones who plot to get your “blessing” and destroy you before you get your defenses up.
Laban was a plotter. He wanted wealth. When he saw the wealth of Abraham’s servant, he rushed to let him in his house.
He did not speak to him as to a weary traveler: “Hey, you look tired. Come in and get some rest.” This was not his motive.
He did not invite him in based on the relationship: “Any servant of my relative Abraham is a friend of mine.” He didn’t say that either.
Laban opened his home to the man based on the potential for financial gain: “Come in, oh blessed of the Lord!”
An emotional manipulator must get you on their turf. They only can work their influence if they have leverage.
Perhaps it is your boss. He assigns you a project too big and then lets everyone know you failed. Or, knowing you struggle at public speaking has you address the committee with the details of the report and then says he can’t recommend your promotion because you fumbled.
Maybe your Laban is a family member who invites the tribe to their house for the big holiday. Then they scold you in front of everyone for being late.
It might be that person who offers, “We can have the prayer group at my house.”
It is harder to resist a manipulative person when you are in their domain. Maybe it is just psychological; maybe it is spiritual. I believe one feeds into the other; what starts out as personality clashes soon has spirits flooding through those opened doors.
Laban wanted Abe’s servant in his house before he began negotiations for his wealth.
The manipulator sees something in you they want, as Laban did the gold and camels of Abraham.
You are a treasure.
You are blessed of the Lord and you are His blessing.
Someone will try to abuse you and rob you of what the Lord has begun in your life.
You cannot distrust everyone, but one element of discernment is understanding what motivates a person.
They want to be in ministry with you, but why?
Pride?
They want to mentor you, but why?
They want to get together for coffee each week, but why?
They want to hire you, but why?
Abraham’s servant was not a fool.
He got off of Laban’s turf early the next morning.
He didn’t say why, but nothing Laban said or did was going to keep him there.
That’s not all we can learn from Laban, but it is a big lesson.
Most importantly, don’t be that guy who selfishly manipulates others for personal gain. That is abuse.
We are going to talk more about this because we have to handles for the conversation (more posts coming on this topic). Too many people look at emotional abuse and say nothing because we do not have the words or language for confronting it. This is a step in that direction.
For this conversation to get traction, I need your help. I need to hear from you. What is your story?
Are you a former abuser? Please share so others can see themselves and change their ways.
Are you a victim of emotional abuse? Please share your story so others can understand what it feels like to be taken advantage of.
Also, please share this post with others. Thousands need to heal and change their thinking. We’ve been silent too long.