Posts by danieljkoren:
Where your questions lead
Last time, I wrote about being like EMTs and helping people before giving prescriptions. Let’s flesh out what that means a little more.
It is not that God’s people do not know how to ask questions, it is what point our questions work toward that matters. A few years ago, I was driving my family through a quiet little town in our full-size conversion van. A woman came through a main intersection and plowed into the back quarter of our vehicle.
I was going 45 mph legally and she couldn’t have been over 25 when she ignored the stop sign. But she hit us hard enough to knock my back axle loose and turn us 180 degrees in the road. Fortunately my wife and children were only slightly banged up and only emotionally shaken.
Then came the questions. Bystanders started asking, “Are you okay?” The police arrived and started asking questions, “Who is to blame?” Then the ambulance showed up, “Do you have an injury?”
Each of those questions were appropriate for the role the different ones played. So, many of us know how to ask questions, but perhaps we forget our role. Too many believers try to play policeman rather than God.
I facepalm every time I think about one woman I tried to minister to many years ago. She left her daughter at the daycare and no one knew what had happened to her until about midnight. I asked questions, since my wife and I had taken the girl in while trying to find this mother.
Asking questions, I found out that momma had been at the drug house. I was furious. That is not how you raise a child. Eventually we were able to get this family the help they needed, but right away I was not much help.
Still furious about the situation I started grilling the mother. “What are the names of the people involved? I am going to turn them in!” That unleashed her fury toward me. I couldn’t understand why she did not appreciate me looking into the matter after saying she wanted to get away from that life.
What I had done was ask police questions instead of EMT questions. “Just the facts, ma’am.” Police want details that lead to an arrest. They want to know private info they can use against you. That’s their job.
But it’s not yours or mine.
The Lord did not send me into people’s lives to find their flaws and point out what they should have done instead. (That’s a real bummer, too, because I am so good at it.)
He sent me to help them diagnose themselves. If someone will ever repent (turn away) from their sin, they have to realize what it is. My questions with that woman should have been more EMT like: “It broke my heart when I heard you were struggling with drugs. How long have you been battling this?”
If I were responding to a roadside emergency, I would probably have continued, “I know you are in pain and feel a little disoriented right now, but everything is going to be all right. We are here to help you through this if you will let us.”
Let me interrupt this rescue mission to point out that EMTs always have backup. Don’t be a hero who thinks you are going to salvage everybody on your own. You need a team. End of commercial break, back to regular program.
The difference between an EMT’s questions and a policeman’s are this: one will lead to more healing and the other can and will use what you say against you. Since so many believers speak police-ese, many people do not trust the church and find Christians judgmental.
Here’s some healing questions you might consider. Run through the last few conversations you have had with unsaved people. In some sense or another have you asked restoration questions like these?
Where does it hurt?
Do you know what causes you to feel that way?
How long have you felt this way?
What do you think it would take to help you heal?
There is more to say on this, because beyond initial questions, we need to help people heal for the long-term, not just in one conversation. To learn more about long-term care, we turn next to discover more about making disciples by looking at the nursing profession.