Me, a cannibal?

Jesus has been teaching me about giving life (rather than being a life-suck to others).

Suddenly, I had to ask myself the question, “Am I cannibal?” Perhaps I have been living off others for years and didn’t realize it.

If you know me at all, you know I try to “give life” to others as much as possible. I have written, preached, and counseled to encourage and uplift thousands of people.

Yet I felt drained.

I found the problem: I was doing it for the wrong reason. Not always, but too often this was the case.

I would “give life” to my wife or children not realizing that I was expecting something in return such as respect, appreciation, or at least a rewarding smile.

Doesn’t everyone want their good works to be appreciated?

And that’s why most of us burn out.

I realized that as long as I kept giving to and serving others I was going to feel drained and used until I began doing those things from the right place in my heart.

It might be easy to get a teen to mow someone’s lawn if they are looking forward to the $50 afterward. But how do you get people to do good things expecting nothing in return?

Compassion.

Jesus wasn’t moved to do good things in hopes He would get more followers. Compassion moved Him to do things with no strings attached. You’re welcome. Thank you for thanking me, enjoy your life.

Shouldn’t He have made people sign a contract that if He did a miracle for them they would be loyal followers contributing monthly to His ministry?

One day thousands of people walked away. Jesus didn’t give up or call it failure. He wasn’t doing what He did because of a endgame.

Doing one thing so that someone does something in return could be called manipulation.

It isn’t compassion that drains you but your dashed expectations when you don’t see people respond as you hoped. Selfish manipulation is a cruel master of those using it and those abused by it. But it can look so religious and holy we don’t realize we are sucking life out of others.

I opened up my kitchen one day to give a needy person anything she wanted for her and her children. She turned down what we offered and asked for a couple of brand-specific, food items she liked. I was crushed and resentful. My family was struggling at the time and were still willing to give what we had.

Why did her reaction bother me? Because without realizing it, I was giving for me, not her. Perhaps by helping out a poor, single mother, I would feel like a kind generous person. My actions would be appreciated and I would feel honored. 

I thought I was doing that as unto the Lord. My feelings afterward revealed differently.

I think most of us tend to do everything we do, even charitable acts, for some result.

The married person gives and serves a spouse in hopes of making withdrawals on that investment later. Does a parent buy a child a bicycle or a car in hopes that the grown child won’t put the parent in a nursing home someday? I know that is extreme, but listen to parents of wayward children talk and you hear, “We did everything we could and I just can’t believe he/she would treat us like this.”

The dad in me wants to say, “After the money I spend on electricity and you thank me by leaving the lights on all the time?” Or “I worked hard to get you that food; don’t you dare waste it.” 

What began as an act of compassion (giving, serving, providing) so easily becomes a weapon to later use against those who didn’t ask for your beneficence. 

If you are going to do something noble, then let it go when you are done. Don’t keep asking if they still enjoy it. You gave it. It left you. It’s over.

If you are going to help someone, then do it and be over it. It’s not about you anymore. They might bring up false charges against you someday, but you can be happy that you gave from compassion. You treated Jesus this way and He didn’t whine. He just gave His life for you because of love. What you did in response was your choice.

Stop doing nice things because of how good it makes you feel. You’ll burn out. Just do good because it is right.

Stop being tactical. Giving isn’t a strategy, it’s an export. You do it and move on. 

You surprise your kid with a milkshake because you love her. When she thanks you by accidentally dropping it on the seat of the minivan, you still love that child. That mistake will not limit any further kindness from you. 

When you go on mission trips or donate time at a charity, are you resume building or just there for the photo-op? Do you have joy in just the giving or do you live off the comments, likes, and shares you get in return? 

You can give life or you can give as a form of life-suck. The giving-to-get scenario will leave you hollow.

Think of every person as a bank.

Every relationship is transactional.

Every conversation is a transaction.

Are you depositing or withdrawing?

Do you drop hints for what you want in return for what you deposited? Those like cute comments often take more away from the victim than what you gave.

Do you do good as pay backs for what was done in the past or in hopes that person will meet a need of yours?

Think of it like this: you write checks out of your bank account and it will never go empty because Jesus makes deposit into your account.

This is the kind of giving that never leaves you bankrupt. 

One time I had volunteered to do something to help someone. I had offered because of compassion but then I grew weary in the task. It was not the kind of work I like to do and I could not get it to go right. I was so frustrated I wanted to cry. I felt used and taken advantage of. I was mad at myself for getting into this situation doing something I was not skilled at. I prayed.

When I talked to Jesus about how I felt, He steered me toward just doing this little project for Him, not for any other result. I asked Him to help me and He did. Suddenly the whole thing came together and was over with in an hour or so.

I left that encounter supercharged rather than burned out. I have to keep relearning this in so many aspects of what I do in life. Everything we do should be worship to Him and for no other reason. We are not even to work in a way that impresses our bosses but in a way that pleases our King.

Knowing that nail-scarred hands are clapping for me is all the motivation I need to give, serve, and love others.

---

Next time, let’s look at some practical ways of developing the skill of giving life and how to do it in a way that awakens Life inside yourself at the same time you give.